All I Could Think of Was Zeus

“Enough of this. We’re going now to where you will always belong and always must be.”

My ritual language was catching.

Was I being abducted by Zeus now? What would Hades say? WHAT WOULD HE DO?

I was afraid, but then I was not. I was moving towards my destiny, whatever it might be.

All I could think of was Zeus. What did this mean?

What Do You Think Our Relationship Is?

These were not words that Zeus wanted to hear. He grumbled. I couldn’t hear him. He then put his arms on my shoulders. I felt like I was shrinking under his weight.

“Persephone, with your imagination, you should know what to call me. You should know what I want to hear.”

That wasn’t the point. Zeus continued. He was getting oracular, in his deepest bass-baritone.

“What do you think our relationship is—our truest relationship?”

I didn’t want to answer that question, and Zeus knew that I didn’t want to answer it.

I escaped into the ritual language paradoxes that our priestesses are well known for. “Our relationship is the relationship that always is and always will be but never can be.”

Zeus lifted me into his chariot.

Persephone, I Know You're There

I heard Zeus’s voice.

“Persephone, I know you’re there.”

“Come out. I need to show you the new palaces we’re building on Mount Olympus.”

I was relieved. Zeus was not going to demand to come inside.

“I knew you’d be alone. I wanted to be with you. Hera has left me.”

Zeus stared at me. His glances penetrated me in places that even I couldn’t imagine. I wanted to create some distance between him and me.

“You know, Zeus, I’ve never known what to call you. You’re my uncle and my father—and now, since I’m married to your brother Hades, you’re even my brother-in-law.”

I Need to Deal with Things

I need to deal with things. And Zeus is at the door. What does he want? What could he want?

All of a sudden I felt regret. Where was Hera? Where had she gone? It was her job to put with Zeus, not mine. I wished that my mother—my lovely, loving mother—that Demeter had not gone out. For me not to answer the door and let Zeus in would be rude.

But did I want to face him? The problem with the imagination is that it is powerful. If I think something, it happens. I had just thought about usurping Hera and having Zeus and becoming the mistress of heaven….

But, now, DID I REALLY WANT THAT?

And, if I became mistress of heaven, what would Hades do? Would he become more and more melancholy in Hell once again and threaten to destroy everything or would he abduct me again? Perhaps he would do noting, concluding that infidelity and Hell were meant for each other.

I would be terribly disappointed if he didn’t leave his caverns to abduct me once again.

WHAT DID I WANT? My imagination was failing me. WHAT COULD I REALLY WANT?

I Find Myself Cursing the Rule of the Pomegranate Seeds

When I first arrive up above—after my six months with Hades—in Hell—the effect is kind of deadening. Almost like the door closing when someone puts you in jail.

Although I never admit what I’m thinking to anyone, I feel imprisoned when I’m up above. They have rules up there. You have to stay where you are. You cannot run away to the places that you can easily imagine. Reality appears to reign paramount. In short, you’re stuck.

I find myself cursing the rule of the pomegranate seeds: since Hades only let me have six, I have to spend six months away from him every year. It wasn’t my idea to go off with him, but having done it, why do I have to come back to everyone up above? I know that Mother told me I would lose my power if I always stayed down in Hell, but I still don’t like it.

How Could I Find Out What I Needed to Know?

I sang the words softly,“Open the envelope and sing in soft tones the message that you are about to deliver to me,” and the messenger responded earnestly, reading every word that Hera had written:

To our Persephone
Goddess of Desire and Imagination
I regret to inform you that
We must defer
The inaugural meeting for
The Center for the Propagation of Happiness
In my unhappiness
I have been called off to a quest
And I will be in touch when I return.
Your loving aunt, stepmother, and fellow divinity,
Hera

What was this all about? Why was Hera finally admitting to her unhappiness and where was she going?

When I looked up to stare at the messenger and to send a message back, he had disappeared, leaving the ripped open ornate ivory envelope to tantalize me with its mysteries.

How could I find out now what I needed to know?

The doorbell rang, and I knew it would be Zeus.

What Could the Message Be About?

The doorbell rang while I was meditating, and I was surprised to see a messenger—one of those young blond boys with winged slippers that helped them move rapidly through traffic.

After offering the messenger the ritual lemonade, I recited the usual passwords, and he presented me with a large vellum envelope. My name was written beautifully on it in a special calligraphy using rose gold as the ink.

The ritual messages aren’t delivered very often and one must follow the appropriate protocols and use the right words. What could the message be about? And who could it be from?

What I Really Want to Know

No wonder Hera is afraid of me—or at least not very nice to me. She—and my mother—didn’t really think through the consequences of setting me up to subdue Hades’ wrath.

If—as the imaginative creature that I am—I can triumph over Hades—or at least keep him calmed down so that he does not endanger everyone and everything—that makes me more powerful than all of the other Gods.

But what I really want to know is whether I am more powerful than Zeus. Could Zeus have subdued Hades without me? Or was I a wuenschmaedchen for Zeus—his veritable Brunnhilde? Was I the pure instrument of his will?

I decided that I really needed to know the answers to questions like these. And I still wanted to know why Hera had never had children.

I Really Am Capable of Imagining Anything

What did all this mean? That’s what I really wondered.

Now I began to understand why I didn’t get along with Athena and probably never would. She tried too hard to confine me and set limits. If my true nature were to be goddess of the imagination, of course I would detest limits. I found Athena too cold, too dry, too arid.

And if, as Goddess of the Imagination, I could attract and subdue Hades, what effect might I be having on other Gods?

What will happen to me as I become older? There’s a rumor going around that Hera might eventually leave Zeus. What will that mean for me? Why do I keep thinking about becoming the Queen of Heaven—Zeus’s consort—as well as Queen of Hell?

If I am the only deity who can be more powerful than Zeus, does that mean that I am the only deity who can truly be his consort—an equal to him?

I guess I really am capable of imagining anything.

You Are Our Highest Creation

“A life of only the imagination is too devastating. A life of only the imagination means you won’t exist. That really is the deepest secret of the mysteries.”

“Hades was unhappy—seriously disturbed—because he was confined to a life of all unreality. Of pleasures. Of pleasures of every kind, but ones that were of the darkness and of the phantasms and shadows.”

“We couldn’t let you be there all the time—or you’d lose your power. You need—indeed you must spend—your six months with us. I know you find it boring sometimes to do the ordinary things with us—but a life completely of the imagination does become pure Hell.”

“I know that when you are with us that you sneak away at night some of the time and that Hades is in your dreams…”

How did Mother know that? I can't imagine that I am that obvious….

“Then there are the times when you are not fully present but we realize that we can’t control you and we really don’t want to…”

“You are our highest creation.”

I Am Persephone: Queen of Hell, Queen of the Night, Princess of Desire, Goddess of the Imagination

Maybe that’s what’s going on with Hera?

Maybe that’s why she’s so strange around me? Maybe she’s afraid of me? If I subdued Hades, could I subdue Zeus? Or was this all megalomania? Was I really that important?

Was I coming into my own? Would there be temples built and adorned in my honor—why is it that temples are always adorned?

I am Persephone, Queen of Hell, Queen of the Night, Princess of Desire, and Goddess of the Imagination.

What sorts of songs could I inspire to be written in my honor?

Before my imagination could take me away any further, my mother’s voice called me back.

“This is why it’s important that you spend six months out of every year with me.”

Was I Really Rescuer of the World?

“Although we can feel Hades anger up above here, he has become much more tame, and we know that it is your doing and the doing of your imagination. You have a power now—that power of the imagination—that we sometimes are even a bit afraid of.”

“But, through you and your imagination, we have prevented Hades from destroying and maybe even devouring us.”

This was all pretty amazing to me. To imagine that I was part of such a major plot or to realize that Hades had been such a major threat to everyone. So—paradox of paradoxes—although it appeared as though Hades had abducted me—what in fact had happened was that I had subdued him.

Was I really the rescuer of the world—or at least the rescuer of Mount Olympus? Does that make more powerful than Zeus? Have I done something that even our Lord of Lords, Zeus, could not do?

Now You Are More Than We Ourselves Could Have Imagined

“So I was your sacrificial lamb?”

I’m too proud to think of myself as the victim—too belittling a way for me to think of myself—but that seemed to be what mother was telling me….

“Oh Persephone, we weren’t that cruel…”

“Hera and I began to realize that we might have misunderstood you and misunderstood the role you were designed to play in the cosmos. Why would anyone need a goddess of perpetual purity and virginity?”

That gave me something to think about.

I probably would have been very bored being the goddess of perpetual purity and virginity. So perhaps rather than looking at myself as the martyr and protector of all the other gods—which was kind of a downer—why did I have to help everyone else out—I could think of myself as having been spared the fate of being a goody-goody.

“We didn’t have someone to honor for the power of the imagination. So that was the gift that we gave you before we offered you to Hades.”

“And now, you are more than we ourselves could have imagined.”

The Goddess of Perpetual Purity and Virginity

“You were originally going to be the Goddess of Perpetual Purity and Virginity—sort of a “Mary” type.”

“Your singularity was that you were to encompass and unite both the urgency of desire and the primacy of purity. So you—in all your glory—would eventually become a target for Hades. But we were all beginning to realize we all might be targets for Hades.”

“Then Hera and I began to think seriously. What would happen if we offered you to Hades? He’d eventually get you anyway—as we feared he’d get all of us—but if we offered you to him first, what would the effect be on him?”

“Would having you calm him down?”

“Would we—by offering you to him—gain the power that we needed to protect ourselves from him? The more we thought about the plan, the more attractive it became to us.”

Mother and Hera Set Me Up to Marry Hades

“Even Mount Olympus began to tremble. Would Hades—in his anger—tear apart what we had? And then what would happen to us? What was Hades up to? Did he want to destroy us?”

This really didn’t make sense to me. How could Hades destroy us? But mother continued, answering my fundamental question.

“Even though we are immortal, there are ways we can be destroyed. Hades knew that. For example, Hades’ irrationality has the potential to destroy Athena’s rationality.

“What Hera and I began to realize is that we had to do something. Whether he knew it or not, Hades had become the God of Destruction and Hate, and we couldn’t let his power overwhelm us. So we came up with a plan.”

So this was it. Mother and Hera set me up to marry Hades. I knew Hera had something to do with it.

So this was how I became the Queen of the Underworld…

Everyone Was Concerned That Hades Didn't Have A Wife

“Years ago, everyone was concerned that Hades didn’t have a wife. He was miserable. And he took it out on us. Always glowering, always flexing his muscles. Full of himself. Hera and I went out for drinks—she even got me drinking, but only the most herbal of drinks—Chartreuse or something….”

Where was all this leading? My mother—the grain goddess—drinking? I keep hearing that fertility and drinking don’t mix….

“We decided that the time had come to domesticate Hades. Enough was enough. Even Zeus worried about him….”

This was an amazing story. I jumped in. “So what happened? That doesn’t sound like my daddy-uncle Zeus acting like his brother’s keeper?” (I love borrowing phrases from old religious texts.)

“That wasn’t the point. Zeus did have legitimate concerns. Hades was beginning to break things. He would get angry and he would begin to hit things and thrash about.

Before Hades ran off with you, the number of earthquakes was going up, and more volcanoes were erupting. And we knew that Hades was blowing off steam. We had good reasons to be concerned.

Is That Why You Sent Me to Hell?

I asked my mama Demeter what she felt like when she was pregnant, and she was surprised.

“Why do you want to know? Having children is wonderful, but it’s quite a responsibility.”

Why was she speaking to me in clichés, I wondered.

“Once you have a child, you begin thinking about that child’s future, and you discover that you can’t over plan things. But you want to—you want the best for that child.”

I had to interrupt her. “Is that why you sent me to Hell?”

“Oh darling, you shouldn’t look at it that way.”

I Am Always Alone

Hades came to me in a dream last night. He apologized for hurting me. I told him that I accepted his apology. Why are men so nice to you when you’re far away?

One of the things that is truly confusing is that when I’m up above, I’m no longer pregnant.

From a logical standpoint, it makes sense. The baby that I carry down below had its fate determined already. For whatever reason, “it” was determined that the baby would not have an earthly existence. And so, when I come up above, the baby is a pure figment of my imagination—we could call it Figment—whereas down below, the baby truly exists.

Maybe that’s why I’m particularly lonely on this trip up above. When I carry my little one, I’m never alone. Whereas, now, here, up above, I have to confront that I am alone. Sometimes I relish—I treasure being alone—but other times it hurts. It hurts so much that I want to die—a pain that transcends all of the hurt that depression can bring.

IS THIS MY DESTINY?

Maybe this is all part of my destiny—MY fate—that I perpetually must feel desire. When I am up above, I miss my baby, and I miss Hades. When I’m down below, I occasionally miss the sunlight and I feel the separation that my mother Demeter feels.

And so, I am always alone, for better or worse, always missing something and therefore always existing in a perpetual state of desire.

And then, because I feel desire and people—when they are with me—sense that desire, they open up to me—and my desire becomes their desire.














Maybe this is all part of my destiny—MY fate—that I perpetually must feel desire. When I am up above, I miss my baby, and I miss Hades. When I’m down below, I occasionally miss the sunlight and I feel the separation that my mother Demeter feels.

And so, I am always alone, for better or worse, always missing something and therefore always existing in a perpetual state of desire.

And then, because I feel desire and people—when they are with me—sense that desire, they open up to me—and my desire becomes their desire.

Hera Has Started a New Organization

One of the things that I do when I’m up above is learn more about what’s being done to take care of people who don’t feel good.

I can never really forget abut the epidemic of depression in Hell, and I feel better about being up here and away from Hades when I have a project to do.

Hera has started a new organization, the Center for the Propagation of Happiness. She sent me a formal invitation to come to one of the organizational meetings, and I guess I’ll go.

I wonder why she asked me. It’s hard to believe that she really wants me to be part of her organization, and I really can only be involved six months of the year.

I Never Know How Hades Will Be With Me

I feel his strength. I never know how Hades will be with me. Sometimes he’s rough, almost crude. Sometimes he’s matter-of-fact—almost business-like. He’s my husband. This is part of what he must do. But sometimes, he’s caressing, intentional, and extraordinary is too mundane a word.

Did he rescue me from what could have been a boring constrained life here on earth? Or did I rescue him from his singular loneliness and the emptiness that he found himself in down below in Hell?

I don’t think I could handle my six months up above unless I could run away at night and let my imagination triumph, being there for Hades and delighting that he then is there for me.

Is it true perhaps that I can truly only be myself In Hell?

Or is the imagination Hell?

This is too much to think about and so I sleep.

I Feel Like Crying

This is why, when I begin my six month stint of being up above, I feel so confused and even overwhelmed. When I’m down below, everyone loves my imagination—except perhaps Hades occasionally, and I can ignore him as I’ve been discovering—but here, here up above, on the Earth—many people—and Gods for that matter—regard me as sometimes even meddlesome.

“That Persephone. She’s always trying things out and trying to get people to do things differently.”

“She’s trouble.”

Often when I’m here, I feel like crying. Why did the Gods make me this way—make me with an imagination if I’m not supposed to use it or share it with everyone?

I’ll get to the point where I’m about to cry. But I don’t want anyone to see me in that state, especially Demeter who reserves the right to wander into my room anytime she feels like it—as though I were still a little girl.

So I take one of the pills that I bring with me from down below, and it gracefully puts me to sleep with the darkness engulfing me.

And then Hades comes.

Keep the Maiads and the Naiads Free

Maybe these younger Maiads and Naiads are—or will become—my true children. My tribe here on Earth that will carry the seeds of my imagination and spread its joys wherever they go.

That is—if their elders don‘t make too much trouble. That is—if they are allowed to be as free as they potentially can be.

Since we don’t have cars—or at least most of us don’t—and chariots usually don’t have bumpers, we couldn’t have bumper stickers saying, “Keep the Maiads and the Naiads free” wouldn’t work.

But there must be other ways that we can develop to keep this cause alive. Perhaps we could develop a perfume, calling it something like Naiad Freedom, and devoting the profits from its sales to the “Keep the Maiads and Naiads Free Fund.”

What Hurt in Particular

What hurt in particular is that most of the Maiads and Naiads had a truly wonderful time at the party. And many of them developed their own imaginative good thoughts, and so my imagination, with the help of Dionysus, actually began to propagate itself amongst the Naiads and Maiads. But rather than thanking me for the liberation that my imagination had brought, the Maiads and the Naiads—especially the elders of their tribe—felt that they needed to discourage delighting in the imagination and so they made an example of the poor errant Naiad.

I won’t tell you what they did to her—it’s too gruesome—the best that I will be able to do for her now is to negotiate that she can maybe join me in Hell sooner rather than later. And when she arrives, I will deify her, making her one of my princesses—who in her imagination—will provide delight to us all.

What is cheering though is that some of the younger Naiads and Maiads are grumbling about the elders. “Yes our heads hurt a little the next day, but so what…. We had fun. We were free. The pinot played with us, and the burgundy—well we won’t say what the burgundy brought us….

Who Had the Idea to Invite Dionysus?

Now the condition that the Naiads and the Maiads were groaning about is commonly referred to as a hangover. But, those innocent young creatures had never had hangovers before. In their chatter, they began to ask, “Who had the idea to invite Dionysus?” and they finally identified the errant Naiad who I had honored with my idea. The oldest Naiads and Maiads punished her, and she was unhappy for a long time to come.

That’s what I mean about my being uncomfortable up here.

I do what I am best at doing—coming up with new ideas—exulting in my imagination. Then its hard to get someone to buy into them and to develop them. And finally, if something goes wrong, people get mad at the person who used my idea—and worse yet, if they know about me and what I can do—they blame me. I don’t like that at all.

I Began to Imagine a Party

For example, a few weeks ago, I began to imagine a party that we could all throw in honor of Dionysus. Because I imagined it—people up above really are so deficient in the true skills of the imagination—and I planted the seed of the idea in an errant Naiad’s thoughs, the Maiads and Naiads threw a magnificent party. The pinot noirs and burgundies inspired delight in everyone who came.

But, the next day, there were faces—faces and groans. And even curses. “We knew—we knew, Dionysus, that we couldn’t trust you to leave us alone.”

“My head, my head….”

Everything Can Happen Because Nothing Can Happen

What I really like about being down below is that down there, my freedom is complete. I can do anything, any time, any place, any way that I want.

I wonder if I could have become the Princess of the Imagination if I had not gone down below? Somehow, I don’t think so. Imagination and limits don’t work well together.

So I guess its fair to say I’ve adjusted well to Hell where anything can happen—although ultimately nothing does because Hell indeed is the realm of the imagination.

That is truly a paradox. Everything can happen because nothing can happen.

Things are so much harder up above. You can’t just “make” things happen. In fact, there are times when I begin to see that my essence—my imagination—gets everyone in trouble.

Did I Look Skittish to Hades?

Sometimes when I’m up above, I feel strangely calm. I’m removed from everything. All of the clichés about smelling the flowers—though actually things often smell more like freshly cut grass or hay—come back to me.

I wonder what my life would have been like if Hades hadn’t become a part of the picture. Just being here is simpler.

I get up in the morning—usually fairly early without too much prompting—and take a walk before I do anything else. I just want to stretch. I want to look up above at my Uncle Apollo and give him the praise that he—as the Sun God—so justly deserves. My mother couldn’t do her work without him.

I notice the deer as they glance skittishly at me and sometimes run away. Did I look skittish to Hades when he grabbed me and took me away?

The One Question That Should Never Be Asked

“Mother, do you know why Hera didn’t have any babies? Zeus seems to chase after all the women and a bunch of them have had his babies…the scandal sheets always are writing about the new little baby goddesses and demigoddesses as well as little gods—but why didn’t Hera have children?”

By asking this question, I feel like I’ve asked about the holy mysteries and asked the one question that should never be asked.

Mother looks at me.

Shaking her head, she looks like she doesn’t want even to reply, but then, staring solemnly with her most serious, gray eyes, she whispers, “No one really knows the answer to that question. If you dare, you’ll have to ask Hera.”

I'd Much Rather Make Babies

One day when Mother and I were walking, I began telling her a bit about my marriage to Hades, and I asked her if there were any wifely tricks I should know.

She quickly interrupted me, and told me I really needed to get together with Hera.

“I never wanted to be a wife myself. I like growing things and taking care of things. I’d much rather make babies than have a man make love to me. And besides, men can be so demanding.

I really didn’t want mother to start getting into one of her diatribes about men. If we can be peaceful together, walking, enjoying the sunlight, I’m fine with her. But once we really begin to talk, I soon begin to realize how much I’ve changed and although I am her daughter, my life in Hell and marriage to Hades has taken me to a different place in my life and one that I am quite comfortable with.

It Must Be Hard to Be a Mother

There are some things you just can’t explain. Can you really tell someone about Hell if they’ve never been there? It’s like trying to describe the flavor of chocolate to someone who’s never tasted it or asking them to imagine what sex is like if they’ve never had an orgasm.

So I tell Mother what she wants to hear.

“I keep busy. I have my charities—like the virgin protection society and the beautification campaign—and I’m active with the campaign to find a cure for depression and creating programs for all the depressed souls who need them….”

It must be hard to be a Mother. When I tell Mother I miss her when I’m down below, she gives me another hug. Mother must be so lonely without me.

Maybe Mother needs another job to do to keep her busy or perhaps even a lover.

Mother Seems Concerned

Demeter—Mother—seems concerned with me as we pick apples together.

“You seem so pale. What is happening to you?”

I can’t tell her about my nights with Hades or my dreams of Zeus. That’s not part of the bargain. When I’m up above, I’m supposed to stay up above.

So I murmur, “I couldn’t sleep well last night.”

Mother puts her arms around me.

“I love you so much and I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Hades had to take you off. He had a job he needed done in Hell and you were his choice, but I miss you so much when you’re gone. I’m flattered of course that he found you so irresistible but I really didn’t want you to go.”

“What’s your life like when you are down there?”

Athena Has Her Place

Athena doesn’t know much about this. She is at times a goody-goody good girl and at her more mature moments, a dry-lipped lawyer, yielding neither comfort nor warmth.

But Athena has her place.

Right now I suppose I have been giving away too many signals about how I am spending my nights. They expect—here on earth—that I will focus on their “here and now” and on doing things instead of delighting in the night and all that Hades offers.

Whether I like it or not, I must conform to their expectations. Mother “expects” me to pick apples with her today, golden apples, and I supposed I must even if think the life of action—including picking apples—is vastly over-rated.

The Church of Holy Abandonment

Athena took me aside one day when I was up above.

“What’s wrong with you? You seem so distant. Like you’re not here. You should be out, enjoying the sun, the treasure that my brother Apollo brings us, rather than moping about.”
“You don’t miss Hades that much do you?”

I really didn’t want to be bothered by Athena. She’s really like an irritating, know-it-all, older sister. I wanted to taker her to the Church of Holy Abandonment. Since I am the Princess of Desire (another one of my titles along with Queen of Hell and Queen of the Night), I know about the Church of Holy Abandonment.

When you go there what happens is that you abandon hope—all hope—you abandon the “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” and all of your “first-cut” dreams—and then you begin to exist.

You abandon your dreams and your fantasies and your logic—and then what begins to emerge is something better, something with its own eternal logic, its own way of being that transcends the rationality of an Aristotle, a Plato—or Athena. And you go then to a deeper wisdom than wisdom, the facile might call it a metawisdom.

Zeus's Rule

Zeus’s rule is that he is a rule unto himself. And so even though he is my uncle and father and I am Hades’ wife, he is tempted nevertheless.

Would I say no or try to say no if Zeus approached me? I really don’t know. It’s hard to say. I really don’t know. It’s hard to say. Hades has pricked me with desire, and I am desire’s conquest. I do desire Hades, but do I desire Zeus? Who would not and who has been ultimately able to resist him?

Hera, Hades, and Demeter would feel betrayed. Would they hold Zeus responsible or would they blame me? Even though they might hold Zeus responsible, what good would that do—and they know it. So, there alternative would be to be very angry with me. Could I stand that or would I become an outcast? As the woman alone, would Zeus continue to come to me? Would I become the Queen of Heaven? Would I rather be the Queen of Heaven or the Queen of Hell? Or could I be both?

Who do I want—Zeus or Hades—and what do I want? Life is confusing.

But Then I Miss Him So Much When I’m Up Above

Sometimes when I’m up above, Hades comes to visit. It’s the middle of the night, and I know that he’s with me. The touch of his hands going where they want. I miss him so much when I’m up above, but under the cover of night he comes. At first, the touch of his hands is bruising, rough, but then I relax and somehow he seems more gentle. Maybe my “no”ingness makes him seem rough.

Then he’s gone and the next day becomes like night to me because I cannot stop remembering his hands, where they went and what they did. And all his other parts, moving firmly, moving where they want to go. And so he stays with me, and Demeter wonders why I am so preoccupied.

Zeus occasionally drops in and he knows. He can tell—by the way I hold my head—the way I hold every part of me. He can tell that I have not been alone. I know that I tempt him.

Could I Become Hades?

The problem with being in hell is that sometimes it all gets to you.

I don’t want to go up above but being down here hurts so much sometimes that I don’t want to be here either.

Could I reign in hell without Hades? Maybe that’s what I really want…. He hurts me, he’s arrogant, and he thinks he’s always right all the time.

But then there’s the other question. If I reigned in Hell without Hades, would I become Hades? Would I become the way he is? Someone once said something—it’s a cliché by now—that power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely….

Here in Hell, Hades represents absolute power—the only threat possibly to his power—to his absolute power—maybe…maybe is me.

Could I become Hades? Do we become what we fear? This is really heavy. No wonder I would rather be shopping.

I just don’t want to deal with all of these sorts of things. They’re too much.

Maybe it’s good that my six months down here are nearly up. Maybe six months with my mother would be good for me….

I Need to Take a Sleeping Pill

Hades insists on ordering for me when we go out, but I know that he will order Tartars for us both. I sometimes think—even though we’ve been married now for a long time—that he puts some sort of date rape drug in my drink when we go out. It’s all kind of funny. He doesn’t need to drug me to get me to have sex with him. I’m not going to say no to him. But all I can imagine is that he wants to think that I will resist and so by drugging me, he makes it impossible for me to resist—which gives him a greater sense of power.

I play along with all of this, but I do wonder what it would be like to have sex without drugs. It’s been so long since I had a “pure” experience. I have no idea what it would be like.

Maybe if I were Queen of Hell WITHOUT HADES I would try other ways of worshipping Aphrodite. That’s what lovemaking really is, worshipping Aphrodite. She commands it and if we do not comply, if we do not include lovemaking in our lives, she really can make a lot of trouble for us.

Maybe that’s why Hades drugs me before we have sex. Maybe he thinks that if drugs are involved, the act is less loving and therefore less of an act of worship towards Aphrodite.

Maybe I should take a sleeping pill. I need to be rested before we go out tonight.

We're Going Out to Dinner Tonight

We’re going out to dinner tonight…to a new restaurant that has taken everyone by surprise.
The chef—whose name is Zanzibar--has really interesting ideas.

Everyone is raving about his “Flaming Steak Tartar,” which is a brilliant conception and positively hellish. The chill comes in the steak tartar itself. Cold minced filet mignon with chopped shallots, capers, ketchup, Dijon mustard, a raw quail egg, some anchovies, and Worcestershire sauce and pepper all squished together. Then mounds of the Tartar are put on fireproof plates with a tiny cups of cognac placed in each of them. As each plate is served, the cognac is lit, and more cognac poured on so that each Tartar will have a blackened crust with the raw, luxurious meat flirtatiously awaiting the lips and tongue of the person it was made for. Small rounds of toast are served…and the effect is pure delight.

Most people order champagne to drink with the Tartar, but deep rich Burgundies also go well with it.

The Science of Jewels

We’ve elevated the science of jewels to new levels down here. Amber is for earthiness and warmth. Jet has a masculine essence. Peridot has a singing passion and amethysts remind us of the spiritual. Rose quartz represents a loving maturity, and opals represent the fire of the holy mysteries surrounded by the sacred waters. Lapis Lazuli signifies a steady calm coupled with an insistence and Jade represents promises kept. Rubies, sapphires, and diamonds—they have very special purposes, and Emeralds are worshipped for their power.

What we do—before we sleep—is plan our dreams—create the framework, the rules—for where we will go—for where we will go in our dreams….

I’m very careful about the jewels I choose. Although you can wear the same ones night after night, they say that by varying which ones you wear, you will ensure their potency and not incur the wrath of any evil spirits or phantasms that are lurking about.

I Tantalize People with Visions

I tantalize people with visions that I create in my dreams. That’s part of why I must make sure to dress appropriately at night.

Some of the new night things that Lethe is carrying are wonderful. Soft silks in romantic dark, dark grays with hints of other colors—pinks, greens, and cerulean blues—hidden within their somberness. Silver strands woven within the cloth. Ties that you use to map your self within that serve as a temptation to others to untie. For fun, the occasional red silk, flaring like fire to brighten the grays. Night jewels to inspire particular kinds of dreams.

I Have Now Become Queen of the Night

What you wear at night is much more important than what you wear during the daytime. We become truly more ourselves when we sleep. When a person sleeps, that person comes to where I truly preside—the realm of the imagination.

Maybe this is why Hades really wanted me. Maybe he needed someone to preside over what we could think of as the double-night. If the underworld is to the world up above as night is to day, then the night of the underworld is like the day of the world up above. This—I admit—is all kind of confusing, but it explains phrases like “darkness visible” and why the night is so important down here, just like the day is important up above.

On a level of logic, I really don’t understand it myself, but what I do know—what is true for me—is that I am Queen of Hades’ night and my light—the light of my night—provides the iridescence that has become my life’s purpose and the light that lightens the eternal existential essences of my people down here.

When people began to understand what Hades had brought me down here to do, I became known not just as Persephone, Queen of Hades, but also as Persephone, Queen of the Night.

So as Persephone, Queen of Hades and Queen of Hell, I have now become the Queen of the Night.

I Have to Prepare to Sleep

The leadership and motivation that I provide comes from my dreams, and to dream, I must sleep.

When I’m down here, I sleep, and when I sleep, I dream, and the things that I dream become my creations. Thinking about it now even makes me sleepy.

But I can’t sleep now because I have to prepare to sleep. Sleep is almost like a sacrament.

Part of the preparation is to wear the right clothes—if you’re thinking in religious terms, you could call them garments.

Azurite, my favorite salesperson at Lethe, always calls me as soon as the night wear designers bring in their new collections, and she arranges a special early showing for me and my friends.

The Black Russians begin to flow.

I Keep Things Warm

How I dress is important. I need to provide our people with an image that will inspire them—to take care of themselves and TO SHOP.

After all, how else would the economy of hell thrive? It’s hard work keeping the fires of desires flaming perpetually. Somebody called Frost once wrote something like “Some way the world will end in fire, some, ice” and then something about how “ice will suffice.” What silly rhyming.

Without me, everything would be pretty icy. I keep things warm.

He Refers to Them As His Tribute to Me

One of the wonderful things about living with Hades is the jewelry he brings me. We’re in the underworld and so what that means is that he has first choice of everything that is down below.

He’ll bring me the particularly large stones and in the darkness here, they’re luminescent, glowing.

He refers to them as his tribute to me.

“Thanks for playing along with my game of abducting you. I needed someone to reign with me here in Hell. Who else can inspire everyone down below here?”

What I can’t figure out is how Hades really feels about me. He really doesn’t want me around here all the time. In a sense my eating the six pomegranate seeds truly was my “fortunate fall”—at least from his point of view. He wants me while I’m here but then he wants me to go.

If that’s not ambivalence, I don’t know what is.

When I’m here, I have a job to do—the one that Hades de facto hired me to do—to preside and to be the chief of inspiration.

Do I Have Any Power at All?

I wonder what Hades does when I’m up above? Sometimes I think I’d like it if he spent more time with Marilyn and Helen—Helen of Troy is here too now—and their friends.

I guess I wouldn’t like it really if he were unfaithful to me, but AT THE SAME TIME, I wish he’d lose control—at least once. When Hades makes love to me, I am overwhelmed and my desire makes us both warm, but he is always in control and ultimately, essentially cold. That’s what I hate about him.

Ultimately, I must come to him and give myself to him. Do I have any power at all? Not in saying no to Hades because he will always maneuver things so I never have the opportunity to say no. But I suppose I have the ability to say no by just not caring. But if I don’t care I become cold and the cold in Hell would become exponential.

I wonder what it’s like to be here when I’m not here. Hades needs my warmth. I wonder if that’s why he had to have me.

I shiver before going to bed.

I don’t know why I love Hades so much.

Marilyn Promptly Invited Them All

Part of our success with people when they arrive here is due to the orientation program that we’ve organized. As each person steps off one of Chiron’s boats, he—or she—is greeted by a committee of three or four people, who are to become the person’s first friends in the afterlife.

We put particular care into choosing people for the welcoming committees. For example, when Marilyn Monroe joined us here, Jack Kennedy was part of her committee along with “Bertie,” later known as Edward VII of England, and Sigmund Freud. She was thrilled to see Jack again, Bertie was entranced, and Sigmund was engrossed.

Marilyn promptly invited them all to go with her to the elegant, Hollywood-style bungalow that we’d prepared for her. I never did hear the end of that story, but she is now one of our delights down here. Some even refer to her as the Aphrodite of the Underworld, but they don’t say that too often for fear of the real Aphrodite up above.

Everyone Gets Here at Last

Do you know what happens if someone is ready to get on a boat to go down the River Styx but there isn’t room for him and he has to wait for the next one?

That’s the primary reason why death throes can be so prolonged and painful on earth.
I’m really very glad that the operations research analysts are working on this problem of forecasting the number of boat seats for passengers going down the River Styx. Sparing people lengthy agonized death throes is truly a humanitarian act.

People think that “modern science” and enlightened hospice care may be making death more gentle and less painful, but the reality is as I’ve described it here. If you can’t get a seat on the boat to go down the River Styx, you have to wait for the next boat. And then you may get bumped if someone else has a priority ticket.

Priority tickets go to small blameless children, some royalty, people who die in battle—heroes—and other assorted martyrs and lucky bureaucrats who know how to navigate the system to get what they need when they need it.

But everyone gets here at last—except for the gods who come and go as they please—and we welcome our new residents.

The Trip Along the River Styx Can Be Somewhat Rough

Let me tell you more about some of our customs. When people arrive here, they are usually somewhat confused and perhaps even surprised at how comfortable they are.

Since people are going to be here for eternity, we want to provide for them in a way where they will be reasonably content versus rebellious or dissatisfied. I know that runs counter to the conventional view of Hell but that’s the way it really is….

I’m particularly concerned that people adjust well to being here. The trip along the River Styx can sometimes be somewhat rough and the boat that people ride in could be more comfortable. I’ve been talking with Chiron—who’s in charge of these things—and he’s working on some estimates for what it will take to upgrade the boats.

As the population has grown, we’ve developed a fleet of boats and demand for them goes straight up during pandemics and plagues and other natural disasters along with the unnatural ones like atomic bombs and other monstrosities. Some of the operations research analysts who’ve come down here are working right now on a model that we can use to forecast the demand more accurately so that our supply of boats can be at a equilibrium point relative to the demand.

I Wonder What Hades Will be Like as a Father

Hades is really grumpy about my having a baby.

“What’s going to happen when you go up above? You know what the rules are. You’re the only one that goes back and forth. The baby will have to stay here.”

He harrumphs with disgust.

That makes me really sad. Although I’ll be glad to see my mother—at least at first—now I’ll have to be away from my little one. That’s no good. I can’t trust Hades to help. He really REALLY doesn’t like children. I wonder who I can get to help. Mother can’t help because she wouldn’t want to be down here when I’m up there.

Maybe part of the problem is that Hades knows that the baby isn’t his. The fact that the baby isn’t mine doesn’t seem to bother him.

I wonder what Hades will be like as a father….

Knowing Too Much Could Be Bad Karma

Last night was so strange. I woke up in the middle of the night crying and crying because I missed my mother. Most of the time, I’m really glad to be away from her. By the time my six months above are over every year, I’m always very glad to get back home to Hell and to Hades.

But I do recognize that there is something special about the mother-daughter connection.

I hope the little one I’m carrying is a girl. I could have found out before I began to carry her—or is it him?—but people warned me that knowing too much could be bad karma.

Hera Never Did Like Me Very Much

Hera never did like me very much. Maybe it was her idea to get Hades to sweep me off to Hell. That’s really plausible. Then she thought she could be rid of me for good.

And she almost succeeded.

Why didn’t Hades let me have more pomegranate seeds? If I’d had twelve, would I be allowed to stay underground forever? What had Hera and Hades planned?

Hera’s really not a very happy person. Maybe she’s the one who needs to see a therapist. Or maybe she and Zeus should be going to a marriage counselor?

I’m determined not to have a marriage as bad as Zeus and Hera’s.

Fortunately for Zeus, I Was Not a Boy

Hera, Zeus’s wife, was naturally angry.

“It’s one thing that you turned yourself into a swan to seduce Leda or that you performed that unnatural act of having Athena jump out of your head instead of making her as a baby the usual way.”

“BUT NOW, NOW, you make your nice sweet sister Demeter pregnant. She’ll probably want child support and expect you to hang around to be a proper father.”

“Then, what’s going to happen if Demeter’s baby is a boy? Will you make him your heir? Then you’ll really irritate the rest of the family.”

“Besides, you really should be with me more often. I know I’m not as fertile as that grain goddess Demeter, but I’m you’re wife.”

Fortunately for Zeus, I was not a boy.

I’m Also the Product of Incest

I’m also the product of incest. Zeus and Demeter are siblings but there was one night when Zeus went out drinking too much with Dionysius, came home, happened to see Demeter who’d fallen asleep on the sofa—no doubt after she’d had a little too much wine herself—and ravaged her.

What I don’t understand about my mother is how placid she can be most of the time. As a goddess of fertility, of course, she got pregnant immediately when Zeus “had his way with her.” And because she was a goddess, she didn’t care that she was an unwed mother and besides the family would take care of her. Not that she needed that much “taking care of” as a goddess.