Everyone Was Concerned That Hades Didn't Have A Wife

“Years ago, everyone was concerned that Hades didn’t have a wife. He was miserable. And he took it out on us. Always glowering, always flexing his muscles. Full of himself. Hera and I went out for drinks—she even got me drinking, but only the most herbal of drinks—Chartreuse or something….”

Where was all this leading? My mother—the grain goddess—drinking? I keep hearing that fertility and drinking don’t mix….

“We decided that the time had come to domesticate Hades. Enough was enough. Even Zeus worried about him….”

This was an amazing story. I jumped in. “So what happened? That doesn’t sound like my daddy-uncle Zeus acting like his brother’s keeper?” (I love borrowing phrases from old religious texts.)

“That wasn’t the point. Zeus did have legitimate concerns. Hades was beginning to break things. He would get angry and he would begin to hit things and thrash about.

Before Hades ran off with you, the number of earthquakes was going up, and more volcanoes were erupting. And we knew that Hades was blowing off steam. We had good reasons to be concerned.