The One Question That Should Never Be Asked

“Mother, do you know why Hera didn’t have any babies? Zeus seems to chase after all the women and a bunch of them have had his babies…the scandal sheets always are writing about the new little baby goddesses and demigoddesses as well as little gods—but why didn’t Hera have children?”

By asking this question, I feel like I’ve asked about the holy mysteries and asked the one question that should never be asked.

Mother looks at me.

Shaking her head, she looks like she doesn’t want even to reply, but then, staring solemnly with her most serious, gray eyes, she whispers, “No one really knows the answer to that question. If you dare, you’ll have to ask Hera.”

I'd Much Rather Make Babies

One day when Mother and I were walking, I began telling her a bit about my marriage to Hades, and I asked her if there were any wifely tricks I should know.

She quickly interrupted me, and told me I really needed to get together with Hera.

“I never wanted to be a wife myself. I like growing things and taking care of things. I’d much rather make babies than have a man make love to me. And besides, men can be so demanding.

I really didn’t want mother to start getting into one of her diatribes about men. If we can be peaceful together, walking, enjoying the sunlight, I’m fine with her. But once we really begin to talk, I soon begin to realize how much I’ve changed and although I am her daughter, my life in Hell and marriage to Hades has taken me to a different place in my life and one that I am quite comfortable with.

It Must Be Hard to Be a Mother

There are some things you just can’t explain. Can you really tell someone about Hell if they’ve never been there? It’s like trying to describe the flavor of chocolate to someone who’s never tasted it or asking them to imagine what sex is like if they’ve never had an orgasm.

So I tell Mother what she wants to hear.

“I keep busy. I have my charities—like the virgin protection society and the beautification campaign—and I’m active with the campaign to find a cure for depression and creating programs for all the depressed souls who need them….”

It must be hard to be a Mother. When I tell Mother I miss her when I’m down below, she gives me another hug. Mother must be so lonely without me.

Maybe Mother needs another job to do to keep her busy or perhaps even a lover.

Mother Seems Concerned

Demeter—Mother—seems concerned with me as we pick apples together.

“You seem so pale. What is happening to you?”

I can’t tell her about my nights with Hades or my dreams of Zeus. That’s not part of the bargain. When I’m up above, I’m supposed to stay up above.

So I murmur, “I couldn’t sleep well last night.”

Mother puts her arms around me.

“I love you so much and I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Hades had to take you off. He had a job he needed done in Hell and you were his choice, but I miss you so much when you’re gone. I’m flattered of course that he found you so irresistible but I really didn’t want you to go.”

“What’s your life like when you are down there?”

Athena Has Her Place

Athena doesn’t know much about this. She is at times a goody-goody good girl and at her more mature moments, a dry-lipped lawyer, yielding neither comfort nor warmth.

But Athena has her place.

Right now I suppose I have been giving away too many signals about how I am spending my nights. They expect—here on earth—that I will focus on their “here and now” and on doing things instead of delighting in the night and all that Hades offers.

Whether I like it or not, I must conform to their expectations. Mother “expects” me to pick apples with her today, golden apples, and I supposed I must even if think the life of action—including picking apples—is vastly over-rated.

The Church of Holy Abandonment

Athena took me aside one day when I was up above.

“What’s wrong with you? You seem so distant. Like you’re not here. You should be out, enjoying the sun, the treasure that my brother Apollo brings us, rather than moping about.”
“You don’t miss Hades that much do you?”

I really didn’t want to be bothered by Athena. She’s really like an irritating, know-it-all, older sister. I wanted to taker her to the Church of Holy Abandonment. Since I am the Princess of Desire (another one of my titles along with Queen of Hell and Queen of the Night), I know about the Church of Holy Abandonment.

When you go there what happens is that you abandon hope—all hope—you abandon the “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” and all of your “first-cut” dreams—and then you begin to exist.

You abandon your dreams and your fantasies and your logic—and then what begins to emerge is something better, something with its own eternal logic, its own way of being that transcends the rationality of an Aristotle, a Plato—or Athena. And you go then to a deeper wisdom than wisdom, the facile might call it a metawisdom.

Zeus's Rule

Zeus’s rule is that he is a rule unto himself. And so even though he is my uncle and father and I am Hades’ wife, he is tempted nevertheless.

Would I say no or try to say no if Zeus approached me? I really don’t know. It’s hard to say. I really don’t know. It’s hard to say. Hades has pricked me with desire, and I am desire’s conquest. I do desire Hades, but do I desire Zeus? Who would not and who has been ultimately able to resist him?

Hera, Hades, and Demeter would feel betrayed. Would they hold Zeus responsible or would they blame me? Even though they might hold Zeus responsible, what good would that do—and they know it. So, there alternative would be to be very angry with me. Could I stand that or would I become an outcast? As the woman alone, would Zeus continue to come to me? Would I become the Queen of Heaven? Would I rather be the Queen of Heaven or the Queen of Hell? Or could I be both?

Who do I want—Zeus or Hades—and what do I want? Life is confusing.

But Then I Miss Him So Much When I’m Up Above

Sometimes when I’m up above, Hades comes to visit. It’s the middle of the night, and I know that he’s with me. The touch of his hands going where they want. I miss him so much when I’m up above, but under the cover of night he comes. At first, the touch of his hands is bruising, rough, but then I relax and somehow he seems more gentle. Maybe my “no”ingness makes him seem rough.

Then he’s gone and the next day becomes like night to me because I cannot stop remembering his hands, where they went and what they did. And all his other parts, moving firmly, moving where they want to go. And so he stays with me, and Demeter wonders why I am so preoccupied.

Zeus occasionally drops in and he knows. He can tell—by the way I hold my head—the way I hold every part of me. He can tell that I have not been alone. I know that I tempt him.

Could I Become Hades?

The problem with being in hell is that sometimes it all gets to you.

I don’t want to go up above but being down here hurts so much sometimes that I don’t want to be here either.

Could I reign in hell without Hades? Maybe that’s what I really want…. He hurts me, he’s arrogant, and he thinks he’s always right all the time.

But then there’s the other question. If I reigned in Hell without Hades, would I become Hades? Would I become the way he is? Someone once said something—it’s a cliché by now—that power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely….

Here in Hell, Hades represents absolute power—the only threat possibly to his power—to his absolute power—maybe…maybe is me.

Could I become Hades? Do we become what we fear? This is really heavy. No wonder I would rather be shopping.

I just don’t want to deal with all of these sorts of things. They’re too much.

Maybe it’s good that my six months down here are nearly up. Maybe six months with my mother would be good for me….

I Need to Take a Sleeping Pill

Hades insists on ordering for me when we go out, but I know that he will order Tartars for us both. I sometimes think—even though we’ve been married now for a long time—that he puts some sort of date rape drug in my drink when we go out. It’s all kind of funny. He doesn’t need to drug me to get me to have sex with him. I’m not going to say no to him. But all I can imagine is that he wants to think that I will resist and so by drugging me, he makes it impossible for me to resist—which gives him a greater sense of power.

I play along with all of this, but I do wonder what it would be like to have sex without drugs. It’s been so long since I had a “pure” experience. I have no idea what it would be like.

Maybe if I were Queen of Hell WITHOUT HADES I would try other ways of worshipping Aphrodite. That’s what lovemaking really is, worshipping Aphrodite. She commands it and if we do not comply, if we do not include lovemaking in our lives, she really can make a lot of trouble for us.

Maybe that’s why Hades drugs me before we have sex. Maybe he thinks that if drugs are involved, the act is less loving and therefore less of an act of worship towards Aphrodite.

Maybe I should take a sleeping pill. I need to be rested before we go out tonight.

We're Going Out to Dinner Tonight

We’re going out to dinner tonight…to a new restaurant that has taken everyone by surprise.
The chef—whose name is Zanzibar--has really interesting ideas.

Everyone is raving about his “Flaming Steak Tartar,” which is a brilliant conception and positively hellish. The chill comes in the steak tartar itself. Cold minced filet mignon with chopped shallots, capers, ketchup, Dijon mustard, a raw quail egg, some anchovies, and Worcestershire sauce and pepper all squished together. Then mounds of the Tartar are put on fireproof plates with a tiny cups of cognac placed in each of them. As each plate is served, the cognac is lit, and more cognac poured on so that each Tartar will have a blackened crust with the raw, luxurious meat flirtatiously awaiting the lips and tongue of the person it was made for. Small rounds of toast are served…and the effect is pure delight.

Most people order champagne to drink with the Tartar, but deep rich Burgundies also go well with it.

The Science of Jewels

We’ve elevated the science of jewels to new levels down here. Amber is for earthiness and warmth. Jet has a masculine essence. Peridot has a singing passion and amethysts remind us of the spiritual. Rose quartz represents a loving maturity, and opals represent the fire of the holy mysteries surrounded by the sacred waters. Lapis Lazuli signifies a steady calm coupled with an insistence and Jade represents promises kept. Rubies, sapphires, and diamonds—they have very special purposes, and Emeralds are worshipped for their power.

What we do—before we sleep—is plan our dreams—create the framework, the rules—for where we will go—for where we will go in our dreams….

I’m very careful about the jewels I choose. Although you can wear the same ones night after night, they say that by varying which ones you wear, you will ensure their potency and not incur the wrath of any evil spirits or phantasms that are lurking about.

I Tantalize People with Visions

I tantalize people with visions that I create in my dreams. That’s part of why I must make sure to dress appropriately at night.

Some of the new night things that Lethe is carrying are wonderful. Soft silks in romantic dark, dark grays with hints of other colors—pinks, greens, and cerulean blues—hidden within their somberness. Silver strands woven within the cloth. Ties that you use to map your self within that serve as a temptation to others to untie. For fun, the occasional red silk, flaring like fire to brighten the grays. Night jewels to inspire particular kinds of dreams.